Lieutenant/Major/Colonel/Generalissimus Sharpe
Everything You Wanted To Know About Sharpe
But Were Afraid (oh yeah) To Ask.

Two Macho-Men: Richard Sharpe and Homer Simpson

Young Richard Sharpe Pictures: Richard Sharpe, the super child of divine (tactical) intervention. In early age he volunteered into the most-macho-unit-Good-Guy blather, the 95th Rifles.

Sharpe is by far the most entertaining napoleonic character created in last decade. He is brave, he beats all the odds, he wins every (yep) battle and duel. Sharpe is a soldier who fights off hordes of French soldiers with pale faces and blue uniforms that make them look like Smurfs with food poisoning.

Sharpe is a soldier grunt, unshaven, with three right arms, five cannons, two rocket-launchers and a bionic eye with infra-red vision. Sharpe's only weakness is allergy to horse hair. It gives him horrible gas, and if he stays near the cavalry any longer he is going to start farting up a storm. For this reason his comrades call him "The Mufler". His 'noises' confused the French as they feared Wellington had a secret weapon.

Major Sharpe being pursued at Waterloo Sharpe had a habit of hiding behind Wellington's tent and then abruptly jumping out, causing the general sometimes to cry out in shock. Sharpe also once concealed himself beneath a blanket in the back of the general's tent, and then leapt up, shouting 'Merde !'

Matters reached a head during the Salamanca Campaign when, as the general lay in his tent, smoking, Sharpe burst from the wardrobe, swathed in a white sheet. Subsequent to this, Wellington took the decision to sent Sharpe abroad on horrendously dangerous mission to Iraq. In the decisive battle, Sharpe will throw everything but the kitchen sink at the towel-bearers and their armored camels as his 95th Regiment will strive for that last-minute strike which would enable them to snaffle victory.

    Sharpe's Favorite Music.
  • when Sharpe was a baby he loved:
    - - - - - - - "Mama Get the Hammer (There is a Fly on Papa's Head)"
    - - - - - - - "There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On"
  • during his first campaign in Peninsula and meeting with Spanish seniorita, he was often humming:
    - - - - - - - "I Hate Every Bone in Your Body, Except Mine"
    - - - - - - - "If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too ?"
  • in old age his favorite were:
    - - - - - - - "All I Want For Christmas, Are My Front Teeth"
    - - - - - - - "10 Years in Peninsula"
    - - - - - - - "40 Yards to the Latrine"
    - - - - - - - "I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You"

    Upcoming books (macho science).

  • "Sharpe is Going Nuts". (unforgettable, action)
  • "Sharpe's Love, Sex and Camels". (unforgettable, love, war in Iraq)

Links and Sources.
Recommended Reading.

"Sharpe's Mule"
"Sharpe's Spoon"
"Sharpe, and What They Found in His Colon"
"Sharpe and Anger Management Program"
"Sharpe and the Curse of Puberty"
"Velcro Arms, Teflon Hearts"

Author: Sharpe groupie.
(If I were a lady I'd have Sharpe's babies)